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December 2004
Next month:
February 2005

Did you just moan or is that a cell phone in your pocket?

Seems that now besides ring tones, and riffs from rock stars, you can download moans to your cellphone - from porn star Jenna Jameson. Currently  is $1.00 each in Latin America, and will be $2.50 in the US, but not available there yet. I'm not sure when Canada will carry moan tones, perhaps our former Immigration minister was consulted to see if any of the recent exotic dancers we had fast-tracked in would be interested in a second career. Of course all moans would also have to be available in both official languages. Or maybe just a quieter version in English.

At any rate, it could be embarrassing in a business meeting, or a crowded elevator. Especially if you also select High-volume and vibrate.

Presumably you would want to link the moans to specific callers, as opposed to also calls from your boss or your mother. Or, maybe not.

Are you happy to see me or do you have extra appendages?

I saw a news report a few days ago, of an RCMP press release. They're looking for a shoplifter that fondled then fumbled. According to the report "the clerk clearly witnessed the male fumbling and stuffing three expensive battery operated male appendages in his clothing..." Very carefully worded. We wouldn't want to say dildos in an official press release.

When asked if he wanted to buy some batteries also, the man panicked and ran from the store. I haven't seen a followup as to whether anyone spotted the man running down the street - probably somewhat awkwardly. Perhaps they've set up stakeouts at nearby battery stores?

And in related news, I watched Father of the Bride last week on TV and one of the sponsors of it was KY Warming Gel. Of course, the ads aren't helpful as to what it's for. We were in the middle of a cold snap, so I wondered if it was a new winter product to keep your hands warm and supple, or maybe something slathered on the car engine to make it start easier. Ads show a couple, sitting in the living room, the new warming gel is suggested as a way to improve their relationship. Other uses for the original water/glycerin mixture are said to be hair gel, lip gloss, and a treatment for puffy eyes. Not sure what the couple on TV have in mind.

Current death toll climbs past 169,000

I'm speaking of the deaths from AIDS, in Africa, over the last month. Next month, there will be the same count, and the month after that. But it was the recent tsunami that grabbed our attention. It had the advantage of appearing in the news on a day most of us had a little more time to pay attention. There was no way we could argue they had brought this on themselves. Plus, the deaths were not spread over 30 days, but mostly in one horrific moment, captured in eyewitness accounts and amateur videos and spread through blogs and then countless news specials.

There was an article in a local paper recently that suggested the recent tsuanami had networked us even more into McLuhan's Global Village. Cyberspace, while often criticized for dehumanizing and depersonalizing our interactions with one another, can also extend our virtual bodies around the world. We were nomadic food gatherers in the past, but now

Men are suddenly nomadic gatherers of knowledge [.] informed as never before [.] involved in the social process as never before; since with electricity we extend our central nervous system globally. --Marshall McLuhan, Understanding Media, 1964, pp. 310-311

I would hope this connection to the rest of the world, and our support, is not shortlived. That we have found a new awareness, and the ability to share and help others a little bit more. I believe we are here for more than just to suffer and pray for the joy of a peaceful after-life. Or own the biggest house on the block, the biggest SUV, the biggest wide screen TV, have our kids in all the activities we wanted to be in. I believe we are here to make a difference for the better, each in our own small way. That positive difference will be the part of you that continues after death, and the real measure of your worth.