This week's challenge from Terrible Minds was to write something over the top. Here's more info from Chuck.
So, Dinocalypse Now is out and so too is the e-novella sequel to Double Dead (called Bad Blood, featuring the continuing adventures of Coburn the vampire in a zombiepocalypse), I feel like I want to stick in the realm of “over the top pulp” — between the two books I throw at the audience everything from jet-packs to kilted gorilla professors to Ketamine cults to zombie-hunting orphans to shark-men to… well, the list goes on. That further calls to mind those images online where a robot Abe Lincoln is shooting fire out of his eyes at a giant city-destroying brain-in-a-jar, and the sky is filled with F-16s fighting pterodactyls and…
Well, you get the point. Crazy pulp shiznit. Because it’s awesome.
So! Your task this week is to go apeshit. To go moonbat. To go cuh-razy with the over-the-top pulp weirdness.
Whatever that means to you — “pulp insanity” — just run with it. For up to 1000 words. You know the drill: post at your space, link back here so we can all see it. You’ve got a week. Due by noon, Friday, May 18th.
Over the Top
"Looks more like a Dominatrix than an Amazon princess," said the wolf.
"This is my interpretation of the basic story," said the witch. "and how I'll use my powers to build up the character."
"Well you've certainly fleshed this one out," said the wolf. "And it's not so much the leather, as the spaces in it - we'll be getting an R-rating."
"I think she looks good," said Red. "We can't always do sanitized fairy tales, I want to explore more after my 300 years in the same old same old. I picked Zombie Queen - with sharp teeth and long painted nails."
"More like zombie slut," said the witch. "A dead Jessica Rabbit. But in a nice way. It will likely shock the Grimm's, but will sell well and get more outsourcing gigs."
"I stuck with wolf," said the wolf. "But it's pulp fiction so I added werewolf speed and laser eyes."
"That would explain those red dots on Red's boobs," said the woodcutter.
"Oops - busted," said the wolf. "Sorry, they're just so big. Great way for a zombie to distract her victim. But look at you, Danger Dan, just a simple hero, seven feet tall, with two light sabers and jet boots."
"I'll need all this to fight our monster here," said the woodcutter. He turned to their fifth member. "How's all that makeup and props going? Toned down the purple at least?"
"I'm newer at this," said Barney, "so I can't add details as easily. Glad I joined up though, way more fun than dancing through fields of flowers."
"Those eye-stalks and tentacles look great," said the witch. "Sort of a Flying Spaghetti Monster thing."
"My challenge will be to wave them all and remember the plot too," said Barney.
"It's pulp fiction," said the wolf. "We don't need no stinkin' plot. Let's go."
"Help," cried the Amazon princess, tossing her long locks over her shoulder. "My leg is caught and the Zombie Queen is getting closer."
A cry rang out in the jungle. "Never fear, Danger Dan is here!" There was a roar of flame, a crash, a cloud of smoke, some coughing. She heard someone muttering, "It's OK, I'm alright."
A tall he-man strode out of the smoke, muscles glinting with perspiration as they rippled under the skin of his bare chest, kilt swirling suggestively around his thighs, jaw set resolutely. He smiled down at her as he fondled his light saber. "Now what seems to be the problem here, little lady."
Her breasts heaved as she pulled at her shapely leg. "Help me, I'm stuck. I was just sitting here and this plant started sucking on my toes. It nice at first, like hundreds of tiny wet adoring tongues, but then my whole foot got sucked in. And now the Zombie Queen has found me."
Dan turned. "Which one is the Zombie Queen?" he asked. "They all look the same."
"That one," she said, pointing a delicately manicured finger. "The one with the two red dots on her boobs."
"Busted," said the Zombie Queen. "Damn your eyes, Werewolf. Quick, you furry fiend from Hell, attack them while I shamble closer."
There was a whoosh, a slap on Dan's butt, a smell of wet fur, and a taunting voice. "Run run, as fast as you can, you can't catch me I'm the Werewolf Man."
"Really?" said the Zombie Queen. "That's it? This isn't tag - kill them you idiot."
Danger Dan whirled, back and forth, ready to attack, but the Werewolf jumped from spot to spot, too fast to follow.
"It's OK, I've got this," said the Amazon princess. She pulled a blowgun out of her skimpy costume - somehow - and raised it to her lips.
"Secret Amazon poison?" Dan asked.
"Ketamine," she said. She winked back at him as she took a deep breath, her lips caressing the end of the tube. There was a puff of air, and a distant cry.
"Well done," said Danger Dan.
She smiled and licked her lip. "It's all about technique. Now it's your turn."
"What?" said Dan.
"The Zombie Queen," she said, "she's right behind you."
"Oh yes," said Dan. He smiled and casually pulled out his light sabre. Without even turning he swung behind his back - there was a grunt, and a thud, then a head rolled between them, an eye dangling from a socket, tongue black and swollen. Dan casually kicked it aside, pulled out a knife, and bent over the princess's shapely ankle. "Let's get that pretty little foot out now."
She had somehow also managed to tangle her skimpy costume in some vines, so there wasn't much left of it by the time he cut her free.
"Sorry about the outfit," he said.
"That's all right," she replied, resting a hand delicately on his muscled chest. "It's served it's purpose."
She pressed herself closer, twined a leg around his, closed her eyes, and tipped her head back - waiting. Dan wrapped an arm around her, bent his head down ...
"Argh! Roar!" They both whirled to face the new menace - a huge monster, slimy tentacles waving, eye-stalks bobbing in front, teeth glistening in a red maw that dripped with saliva. A huge, scary, yet slightly purple monster.
"Run away, run away," cried the princess, as she tried to hold her costume together.
Dan pulled both light sabres out, braced his feet, and cried, "Never fear, Danger Dan is here!"
The princess clung to Dan like a limpet in a storm, arms wrapped around his waist, as the monster rushed closer and closer, roaring and gnashing its teeth, tentacles and eye-stalks flying about almost randomly. Suddenly it stopped roaring and started swearing. "Oh shit, watch out, watch out, too many, damn, can't handle."
They watched in amazement as the monster stepped on an eyestalk, then a tentacle, tripped, rolled, tumbled, then slid to a stop inches from their feet.
"Sorry guys. Take two?"