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When is an apology not an apology?

51404667741_c029a13c79_e TL;DR - When it's all about you.

  • When you say your behaviour is inexcusable, then offer up excuses, refusing to accept responsibility.
  • When you apologize, then expect the other person to do their part and pardon/forgive you.
  • When your motivation, and any regrets you feel, are only based on others now seeing you as a bad person. BTW - you'll know this if you immediately feel better, no more regrets or shame.

What might be a good apology?

  • Start with "I'm sorry." Not just regrets.
  • Add in, carefully, details such as 'sorry I hurt you, sorry I crashed your car, sorry I ignored you."
  • Acknowledge the consequences of what you did.
  • Offer a plan on how you will fix this wrong and how you will try to avoid it again.
  • Be clear that any forgiveness/pardon/trust is entirely up to them.
  • Push back, gently, if they try to say it was nothing. If you hurt them, then it was something.

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