ROW80-3 - check in 07/24 - bits and pieces
ROW80-3 - check in 07/28 - More shelves

One Choice

This is a a Flash Fiction suggested by Terrible Minds - using a random plot generator. Chuck says - 

This random plot scenario generator cracks me up.

And it also comes up with some pretty good narrative seedlings, to my surprise.

So! This week, we’re using it.

Go click the link.

Conjure a random plot scenario.

Use said plot scenario as the basis for your flash fiction challenge this week. You have, as always, up to 1000 words. Post on your space, link back here. Due by Friday, July 26th.


I got the following:

  • The story starts when your protagonist goes on a blind date.

  • Another character is a golf pro who is psychic.

Here's my little story, at about 740 words.

 

One Choice

Things had gone well at first. Pat had been nervous about a blind date, but Ray had been a real charmer. He'd opened the restaurant door for her, held her chair, complimented her on her new dress - bought just for this evening. He seemed confident, an in-control kind of person. She liked that. Even the table choice he'd insisted on was just right, catching the last rays of the sun as they shared a dessert. He’d done everything right – even picking a wine they both liked. He was attentive too, smiling and nodding as she talked. When she got carried away with some joke she was telling, and almost knocked over her wine glass, he’d caught it just in time. He'd said he was a golf pro, but with those reflexes she would have guessed something like ping-pong.

 Ray had decided to try dating one more time. His relationships usually ended badly, but maybe this one would be different. If not - he'd just focus on his career as a golf pro. An easy career, for a psychic. Ray could somehow see the possibilities in his life, leading from the here and now to some there and then, threads of events like a sequence of frozen images, stretching forward for seconds, minutes, days, sometimes months. They were not all equal choices though, as the more certain the outcome, the stronger the path looked. In a crowd, it could get complicated, with his possible lives a tangle of threads, but the right choice, the best way, eventually showed itself. If he was on his own, such as on a golf course, the choices were simple. It was a magical feeling, as he set up for his next shot, knowing the one right club to pick, seeing exactly where to stand. Unfortunately he was a bad golfer, so while the planning of each swing was perfect, his execution usually let him down. He'd never make any of the national tours. Hopefully he'd be able to manage this relationship better than the others, as long as Patsy kept going along with his choices. While he always chose the path that was best for him, it was the best for the relationship too, so was really good for her also. He'd convince her of that.

Patsy had discovered that for Ray, assertive and in-control was a short step away from bullying and manipulative. They always had to do things his way. Never with any discussion either, he'd just pause, stare off into space for a second, and then make his decree. She'd decided she needed a break from him for a bit, just to catch a breath and find herself again. She’d brought it up as they were walking along Yonge Street, ice cream cones in hand - from his favourite place of course. Ray’s reaction had been to just step away from her, make that little annoying pause of his, then throw his cone into the gutter. Right in front of a bike courier. The biker swore, and swerved, then there was a blast of a horn as a city bus swung around him. Into the path of an oncoming car, that braked, and slid - right toward Ray and Patsy. She had watched - frozen - as the car skidded right at her - then gasped as Ray pulled her to the side.

"You don't want to leave me," he’d said. "You need me to keep you safe."

 After that he'd become even more demanding, more controlling. This morning she'd tried to convince him to change coffee brands and he'd slapped her. Hard. Several times. Then he'd smiled and insisted they go out shopping, so that he could get her a nice dress he'd seen, that he knew was just right for her. 

And here they were now, standing on the crowded platform, waiting for the subway to take them downtown. Dark glasses and makeup had covered the physical marks, but she still felt the blows inside. Ray seemed preoccupied with the crowd, staring off into space at times, then muttering to himself. The train was late - again - and from his complaints he seemed to be taking it as a personal affront. Just for a moment he let go of her arm and leaned over, peering up the tunnel at the approaching train. 

All it took was a quick nudge with her hip and he fell to the tracks, looking back at her with such an astonished expression she almost had to laugh.  

 

 

 

Comments

Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

curiouskermit

Great story! I liked that the whole thing was such a surprise. I didn't expect him to be such a bad guy, and I didn't see that ending coming either. Fun! =)

Joyce Juzwik

This was SUPER. I got to the end and gasped and laughed at the same time. Never saw THAT coming. Excellent use of the prompts. I love the way it builds up gradually and leads you along and then... A deliciously dark finish. Love it!

Ravens

Joyce, Kermit - thanks for the kind words. I picked the first randowm spin - honest - and found it to be fun.

Eden Mabee

Love the ending, loved the opening... The part from Ray's POV was a little too much telling and a bit "head jumpy". Of course this is a rough starter piece--you should do some work on it and try to sell it. Seriously. It has potential

Ravens

Thx Eden. I'll look at that part when I re-work it. I had a chunk of background to get out on his power, so will need to figute out how to show that via some incidents. Or add some dialogue in there for variety.
I wanted to give Ray's POV's too, in the middle. Maybe as a longer story would not feel so jumpy.

Verify your Comment

Previewing your Comment

This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.

Working...
Your comment could not be posted. Error type:
Your comment has been posted. Post another comment

The letters and numbers you entered did not match the image. Please try again.

As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.

Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.

Working...

Post a comment

Your Information

(Name is required. Email address will not be displayed with the comment.)